Keytars (initially posted July 9, 2009)

The Keytar.

An instrument for keyboard players that felt a great urge to rock out, experinced a breif ubiquity in the mid to late 1980's. 

Along with the Electric Drumkit, Electric Saxaphone and some other perfectly good 'cyborged' muscial instruments - they create the epitome of 'intrumental kitch' from my favourite decade. The photo above may seem dated and a tad ridiculous, but to a discerning eye it is obvious that this is a great example of a thorough and prepared musician. I have broken down the facets of this image for the lamen and the for greater good, in the following points;

• Labeling your instrument - How embarrasing would it be for you to be riffing at lightspeed to 1,000,000 fans - and no one knows what the hell you are playing? To avert this tragic instance label your unstrument with the word 'KEYTAR', preferably in a qausi-futuristic font.

• Protecting your hands - Historically, a Keytar riff can be so awesome that the virtuoso's hands and arms can catch on fire or be melted by angry and nameless gods. Fingerless gloved, especailly those with a piano key motiff, should surfice against extreme heat and divine wrath.

• Allowing air flow and movement - Any 80's or 90's style vest (worn without a shirt of course) allow the player unrestricted movement for extreme moves while granting your body the precious oxygen it needs to perform musical acts that laugh in the face of physical laws while mocking angry and namless gods who wish to remove our hands.

• Sunglasses - It is more of a question, when given the great power and responsibility of the Keytar - how can you not wear sun glasses?

• Long flowing hair -  Like the Unicorn or the Pegusus, a mane of hair grants the individual and intagible greatness. It can also distract angry and nameless gods from destroying our hands, because unlike hair, limbs only grow back most of the time.